« Another classic strategy is the reallocation of responsibilities. Thus, the young mother above blames herself for her children's poor grades at school ("bad mother"). It is important to help her share these responsibilities: without running away from them, but above all, that she only take her share of the cake! We draw with her a large circle representing a pie, in which she has to cut shares: instead of taking everything for herself, we discuss to see what would also be her husband's share of these poor academic results, the share of his children themselves (after all!), that of the teachers eventually, that of society (which encourages less work) , that of the babysitter if necessary. Not to transfer excessive accusations to others, but to relieve the burden of unnecessary responsibilities because imaginary, and to show that if there are several sources to the problem, then there are also several types of possible actions, and more concrete than "becoming a good mother" is obviously a program as intimidating as it is unclear! »

« To desire to remain calm in a conflict requires placing one's well-being and respect for others above the defence of one's interests; Wishing not to make yourself sick of anxiety about a late job means placing one's health at least as high as one's professional success; choosing a happy life requires a number of renunciations of other forms of satisfaction (financial or narcissistic), which will give pleasure but no happiness. »

« In general, this underestimation of the emotional benefit of the situations we encounter is a classic in social psychology: we overestimate our stability and impermeability to the environment, and we see ourselves much more unflappable than we are! In reality we are disturbing, immensely: we can know and accept it... »