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« When a mother is depressed, there is always a child in the family, the one who has the most vitality, who becomes unbearable. Looks like it's the poor man's electroshock. This is a way to prevent the mother from falling into depression. It feels like the child doesn't want to see someone who's depressed and makes a big deal out of it to make it live in there; otherwise, it wouldn't live long enough. »
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Françoise Dolto
When the child appears, Volume 1 |
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Françoise Dolto
When the child appears, Volume 1
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« If desire is always satisfied, it is the death of desire. Saying "No" offers an opportunity to verbalize the object of the refusal, provided that the child respects his right to make a scene. "I don't do what you want, you're right... And I think I'm right not to." A tension is then created, but from this tension arises a true relationship between this child who emits a desire and the adult who expresses his own, on the understanding that nothing is missing in the child, as to his vital needs. Two subjects that each support their desire. »
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Françoise Dolto
The cause of children |
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Françoise Dolto
The cause of children
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« The most heard phrase in recent years, said by teenagers and less teenagers, is: "We did not ask to be born." They may not have "asked" but they have "desired" ... Demand and desire are not the same. Desire is unconscious and demand is conscious. They wanted it, otherwise they wouldn't be here. They assume the desire to survive. In fact, it is a complaint, a cry. »
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Françoise Dolto
The cause of children |
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Françoise Dolto
The cause of children
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