« Some new methods for choosing a president: 1. 35-tonne race The two presidential candidates must drive super heavyweights with giant wheels at full speed (...) The first comer is appointed president. 2. Magic contest. David Copperfield securely tied up the two candidates, placed each of them in a tightly sealed crate and threw them into the San Francisco Bay Area. The first to break his ties and rise to the surface moved into the Oval Office of the White House in January. The loser to the right to a national funeral at Arlington Military Cemetery, including the twenty-one cannon shots and the eternal flame. 3. Baccalaureate. Both candidates are in a classroom full of high school students and must retake the main baccalaureate exams. Whoever gets the highest grade is entitled to the salvation of the presidential guard on January 20. In the event of a particularly low average, the candidate must enrol in a literacy course and is prohibited from applying for any elective position for at least six years. 4. Feminism test. Each candidate must choose a woman as a vice-presidential candidate. Whoever wins the election has to shoot himself in the head. Okay, it's not really a contest, it's more of a demonstration: for a woman to one day be president of the United States, she would have to pass over the corpse of a man. 5. Fight of stuck gladiators. Both candidates are trapped in an adhesive wall and must try to peel each other off with punches in the mouth. What other country could boast of hosting such a show? 6. Dry cul. The two candidates settle down at the bar and have to swallow twenty glasses of tequila (with or without a glass of earth). The former able to recite the Declaration of Human Rights while keeping the glass balanced on his nose won. 7. Bull run. Both candidates are dropped on the streets of Pamplona during the holidays. The first to cross the finish line in possession of all his organs won. This event is sponsored by the Beef Producers Association. 8. Fight to the death. A French boxing fight where all blows are allowed. The public is encouraged to refrain from cheering their favourite to eventually allow the defeat of both candidates. 9. Gangsta style. Armed with semi-automatic weapons, the two candidates make a short car tour of their opponent's campaign headquarters and water the façade copiously. The candidate with the most survivors on the team has won. 10. Radio contest. Both candidates must participate day after day in all the dumbest talk shows in the country. They are naked behind the microphone and describe in detail all the defects of their opponent. They make stupid phone jokes to girls who didn't want to go out with them in high school. Every morning, the tenth call received by the program concerned is s e l e c ted and the listener is asked to vote. At the end of their national tour, the respective votes of the candidates are counted and the winner becomes President of the United States of America. Funny, isn't it? I am sure that, unlike the current election, it would mobilize a lot only 40% to 50% of Americans. So let's forget all the mess of the campaign, with its vicious election propaganda. And above all, let us never be sugared again an episode of The Simpsons in favor of a debate between two white males in suits and tie who claim to be adversaries while they share the same convictions on virtually every subject. »